I am afraid to type.

It’s an old story of “I don’t know what to type.”

But if I put my pen on the paper, or I put my fingers on these keys and just start moving — something comes out. It may be glorious trash or some kind of treasure. It might be salve for the soul but I know it is one thing: me.

I am afraid to face myself. When I put my own creative works out into the world, I am exposed. I wonder if I fear I won’t have anything of value to contribute. For quite a long time, I tried to protect myself by filling all of the needs around me. I was known as a great servant — at school at the workplace, in the emotional field back home as a child — I Served the common peace by deescalating conflict as early and as often as I could. You might imagine that doing this comes at an expense. It does, and one of those costs for me was my own creative liberty. The first thing to get sacrificed for the will of the gods of static quo ‘peace’ were my desires or dreams.

BTW that is not peace, just maintenance of someplace (“status quo”) where I felt I had a handle over my belonging and ability to navigate through — even if I myself were uncomfortable, at least I was “safe” (as I understood safety to be.)

Now, I see something beautiful. “What’s the transition?” I wonder to myself… and a familiar pattern might be obsessing over the narrative transition from there to here… but breaking the pattern for the sake of getting on with what is beautiful is more important. ‘So what?’ if you can’t follow me from a place of darkness to a landing where we can see something beautiful? We all have to journey into the unknown “dark” of our soul and we all have to find our own unique way. I’m not here to show you the way, though I might share some of my journey here and there. I’m here to invite you places of inspiration that I find.

Sometimes this inspiration is in the journey, itself.

Your Journey

You might be on an epic quest through Middle Earth, Hogwarts, Rome, or Bridgeport… and the fact of your journey, the ups and downs that have brought you to this here and now — there is the beauty.

Life

How often have you considered the miracle — the miraculous, magical thing it is? Overwhelmed by suffering and stress, maybe not often. What are we doing here? How we show up within ourselves, how we offer compassion and forgiveness and encouragement to our most vulnerable parts within us will shape how we show up with others and, ultimately, will guide our entire shared Constitution.

This is the first beautiful thing that can always be found: the gift of life and the journey of choice (agency) that we have in it: to choose in any moment to accept the beauty around us (past, present or future beauty) and to share love with ourselves and with others.

There are other beautiful things, many more than I could name — the longer I meditate on vision to see where love is speaking — or might could possibly speak — the more I see these beautiful things.

You are among the beautiful visions.